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Category Archives: Daily Toils with Life

The Brother I Never Knew

I never knew that I had a brother, but he had known about me for at least half his life.  We were both born in Dayton, Ohio to the same sperm donor and when I say”sperm donor” I don’t mean our mothers went to a clinic to purchase the same sperm.  I am talking about the man who cheated on my mother repeatedly and spilled his seed every which way.

I was born in 1977 and my brother was born in 1979.  My biological father was only in the picture for brief periods, as my mother often kicked him out of the house.  It was during the summer of 79′ that he returned to introduce her to a visibly pregnant woman.  He said she was his girlfriend.  My mother was unfazed by her growing tummy and had never considered that the baby she was carrying belonged to my father.

She finally up and left Dayton in 1981 to pursue a new life in El Paso, Texas.  I was only four years old and I never shed a tear when we left because this man, that we will just call “Mike“, was never really a dad to me.  I didn’t feel a connection whatsoever.  During my childhood, I felt that something was missing and I knew that somewhere out there I had a sibling.  I felt strongly that it was a brother.

Years have passed and I have grown a bit older.  It was June 2011 and I decided to check my email.  One particular email caught my eye.  “Is your father’s name “Mike”?  If so we are related.”  It was from a man named Shane.  At first I thought it was some kind of joke or a scam artist.  I was not sure what to think, but my heart immediately dropped because I felt that Shane was going to say he was my brother.  I replied to the email and was taken aback when he told me that we had the same father.

Still curious and suspicious at the same time.  I began to ask him of what he knows about his father.  He filled in details that he couldn’t have found simply by making an internet search.  He had private knowledge of our family that I knew that I never wrote anywhere.  I was stunned to say the least.

When he told me that he lived in El Paso, Texas and only lived on the other side of town from me, I nearly collapsed.  I really wanted to meet him, but I was so nervous.  How could we both end up in the same city, miles from our hometown in Ohio?  It could only be an act of God or fate.  I was meant to meet him and his family.  This doesn’t happen everyday, so I spoke with my mom about it.  She too couldn’t believe it and told me to have him send a picture via email.  His face shape and eyes resembled so much of mine and “Mike’s” that I knew that it was true.

It has been a few months since I met him and I must say that it is strange that I am getting to know my little brother.  We have spent a lot of time together.  We went on a trip to White Sands and are planning to be together for Christmas.  He feels like a stranger, but it also feels like someone familiar to me.  Someone that has always been with me, but just couldn’t be with me.  I have contacted our biological father, but he continues to deny his son.  It is not like this 32-year-old man wants child support or anything else.  He just wanted to know the other side of his family and happily I get the honor of doing that for him.

When I asked him how he found me, he told me his mother told him his father’s name and that he had a sister named Sunshine.  If my name wasn’t so unique he probably would never find me.  He made a search for our father on the internet and found his MySpace page.  He saw that on “Mike’s” friend list that he had a friend named Sunshine Mendez.  When he searched for me online he found some of my writings along with my email address.

I hope this blog inspires those who have siblings that they need to find.  I hope that you will end up with the happy ending that I have had.

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This is a Pain in the Ass!

Sciatica, the paper read as I left the emergency room.  They equipped me with Vicodin and some sort of muscle relaxer and sent me on my merry way.  Seems simple to just lead a life in a drugged out state ignoring my work duties or duties to my family, but that exactly is the problem.  I hate taking pills.  I won’t even take an Aspirin for a headache.  I’m not one of those people who go around looking for herbal cures and detests medical intervention.  No, that isn’t it at all.  I just have this intolerance for medication.  I don’t like feeling all loopy, but most of all I can’t stand the pain that I’m in.

It started one fun Tuesday, I went to a local bar with my boyfriend.  It was karaoke night and I was primed to sing my heart out.  The thing about me is that I drink maybe once a year.  I don’t like the feeling of being drunk, but the fear of going up on stage forced me to take in more alcohol than I am used to drinking.  Well to make a long story short; I walked into this house and was so tipsy to the point that I fell over hard and almost hit my head.  Since that night I have been in so much pain.  My entire left leg is aching and painful.  I can hardly bend down to put on my socks and shoes.  I have spent nights crying. 

Of course, I am reluctant to tell the doctors that this may be the reason for my sciatic issues, the important thing is that they help me to get rid of this pain.  I find the Flexeril (muscle relaxer) makes me feel nauseous and that the Vicodin doesn’t take away my pain completely, it just makes me feel all drugged out.  I have tried the Ibuprofen, which has helped a bit, but I am reluctant to take it as it has to be taken with food and this means it will make my stomach sensitive as well.

The majority of the pain is in my left butt cheek and it runs down behind my knee where it burns severely.  From the knee it radiates down to my ankle.  I have been missing so much work lately, as I’m trying to go for treatments.  I am so glad I could get the MFLA to cover these absences from my job, but soon I will graduate from UTEP.  The problem is that the pain is worse when I sit for long periods of time. 

On December 11, 2010, I will be sitting amongst other graduates waiting for my name to be called.  I hope that by then the pain hasn’t gotten to the point that I’ll need a wheel chair.  I will be earning my BA in Creative Writing and though I could work as a freelance writer from the comfort of my bed, I think the most forseeable route for a career is in an office type setting.  Hopefully whatever I do, I will do it without this pain. 

My mother had this same condition for five years of her life, and somehow she managed to go to work each morning where she works in an office as an accountant.  She ended up having back surgery to cure her condition and often times leading up to her surgery she often cried and stayed in bed.  I feel so bad that I under estimated how much pain she was in at that time in her life.  I never expected much from her when she was suffering, but I never held her and told her that I cared. 

No one knows how debilitating sciatica is until they experienced the pain of it themselves.  I hope that there is life after sciatica; damn it there better be.

Graduating: Why does this feel like a wedding?

I was married once, and boy was that a mistake.  I am not talking about the planning of it, but the marriage itself.  Being married taught me that I never want to go down that dreary road again.  Of course, I’m not downing those who are happily married and where exactly am I going with this?  Well lets see…

I remember the planning that went into a marriage.  I took classes from the church and picked a dress.  I had to register to pick out all the wonderful housewares that were to accompany the corners of my home.  A new life was about to begin.  I was nothing, but a stupid 19-year-old girl.  I look back at my wedding pictures and I wonder if I was truly happy, as I can’t remember ever thinking I was doing the right thing.  I think I married to get out of my parent’s grip.  Don’t get me wrong.  I had wonderful parents, but they should have stopped me from making this mistake.

Another life changing event is here.  I am graduating.  I never graduated from high school; I was the girl who ran for the GED even though I was in my senior year and my mother had the graduation pictures taken.  I am about to embark on a journey.  I finally can be defined as more than someone who did nothing with her life.  I am about to earn my Bachelors degree in Creative Writing, something that I am truly elated about.

I have spent the years having babies, getting a divorce, working menial jobs and trying to somehow fit college into the mix.  This journey started in 1996 and is about to end this December 2010.  Why does this feel like a wedding?

It feels like a wedding because I’m about to change my life.  I am now a 33-year-old woman and feel like a joyful bride as she picks out her outfit that is to be hiding under her gown and am toying with the idea of decorating the mortar board that will go upon my head.  I have ordered the graduation announcements, which cost a pretty penny.  I know I will cry on that special day.  This will be my day.  Not a commitment to another person like that of a wedding, but a commitment to myself and my accomplishments. 

I regret that I married when I did, but I know that no regrets can come of my special day.  My graduation.

Who can be thanked for this special day.  My parents, the two people who have put up with all my mistakes in life and have been my shoulder when life got rough.  I also thank my children, who even in their non-understanding of why I had to put fun days off to complete assignments, they still loved me. 

Here is to my new life.  A life of a graduate!  🙂